When We Think Poorly of Others

Sometimes, we catch ourselves having harsh thoughts about people around us — colleagues, neighbors, strangers, politicians, or even society as a whole. We judge them, label them, write them off in our minds.

But here’s what it really feels like: thinking badly about someone is like a dog licking a sharp blade. It cuts his tongue — it hurts — but the taste of blood is oddly satisfying, so he keeps going. He doesn't stop, even though he’s hurting himself.

That’s the trap of judgment. It gives us a fleeting sense of superiority.
“I’d never act like that.”
“I know better.”
“I’m more thoughtful, more capable, just… better.”

And for a moment, it feels good. It strokes the ego. But underneath that little high is something darker: I’ve just filled my mind with negativity. I’m putting myself above others — and often that’s not who I want to be.

These kinds of thoughts are fast. They take over before I have a chance to catch them. If I’m not quick, they spiral — and my brain jumps in with excuses to keep them alive:
“You’re right to be angry — that was completely unfair.”
“She can’t get away with that. You’re just telling the truth.”

Once I’m in that mindset, it’s hard to break free. But I want to try — every time. So how do I start?

Getting Off the Thought Treadmill

The first step is simple, but not easy: self-forgiveness. I have to admit that I got swept up in negativity. I’m not above it. I’m not enlightened. I haven’t meditated for ten thousand hours. I don’t love everyone equally. And honestly? That’s okay.

In some spiritual traditions, the highest goal is to see every human being through the eyes of the divine — to feel unconditional love for all people, no matter how they act. That’s a beautiful ideal. But I’m not there yet.

So instead, I accept myself as I am: someone who likes some people, dislikes others, and occasionally feels anger or even hatred.
Yes, I can be kind, forgiving, and generous. But I can also be petty, spiteful, and judgmental.

If I punish myself for those “uglier” traits, I just add shame on top of the original pain. Now I’m stuck with two problems: feeling hate and feeling guilty about it.

So instead, I give myself permission to feel what I feel. Even if it’s uncomfortable. Even if it’s not who I want to be.

Step Two: Grounding in Reality

Once I realize I’ve fallen into that mental spiral, I try to bring my attention back to what’s real — to the world around me:

I look around. There’s grass outside. A tree nearby. A piece of paper on the table. I hear some music in the background.

These things are real. They exist in the here and now. They don’t ask for judgment or explanation.

By comparison, the angry thoughts in my head? They’re just stories. Narratives I’ve created, often with little connection to the actual facts.

And something almost magical happens: the more I tune into the world around me, the more I remember how beautiful it is. A blade of grass just grows — no reason, no agenda. That tree is ancient and strong — where did it come from? This paper was made with such precision — just for me to hold it in my hands. Wow.

Wonder returns. Gratitude. A quiet love for the strange miracle of life.

And in that moment, I come back to myself.
I let go of the story.
I reconnect with what’s real.